COUP D’TWAT

 

Crash! Bang! WALLOP!

 

What was that we hear you ask?

That dear readers, was Young Narcissus (AKA Councillor Alan Young ) crashing,  banging and flailing his way down the greasy political pole he has been so assiduously clambering up in recent years.

Just like a contestant in a game of Snakes & Ladders (the key word here is snake!) Young Narcissus slid all the way down the board on Friday evening to land on his arse!  Brings to mind that lovely Tommy Steel number in Half A Sixpence:

‘old it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture
What a picture, what a photograph
Poor old soul, blimey, what a joke
Hat blown off in a cloud of smoke
Clap ‘ands, stamp yer feet
Bangin’ on the big bass drum
What a picture, what a picture
Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum
Stick it in your fam’ly album

However, this was no musical comedy. This was  real life in the Surrey Suburbs – yes, we know that those of you who’ve emigrated from Nappy Valley (AKA Wandsworth Common) like to think you’ve moved to an idyllic rural utopia but, in reality, Surrey is just a suburb of Greater London.

The  Young Narcissus (YN) and his cohorts’ conspiracy to take over the Guildford Conservative Association (GDA) came to nothing on Friday evening; when he crashed out of the running to be re-selected as a Surrey County Councillor in spectacular fashion.  However, though that was  cause  to bring out the bunting, his wife, the Queen Vic (AKA Victoria Young,) was re-selected for the Eastern Villages seat, but went on to slide back down the greasy pole to land slap, bang, wallop on top of him when she was out-voted in the attempted Tory Tossers takeover of GHQ.

So let’s declare a national holiday to mark the occasion!!

We at Waverley Web consider ourselves a relatively modest bunch, but like to think we made our own small contribution to assisting in the downfall of the overly-ambitious and unscrupulous Young Family. We’ve been told, on the QT by our Guildford Tory Moles, that members of the GCA were sufficiently alarmed by our recent article – Is Miss Whiplash About to Face a Backlash? – to rally to the cause and instead of curling up with their cocoa and slippers in front of the TV on Friday night, over 100 of them rallied to the aid of the Deputy Dominatrix (AKA Matron Milton) to  out-fox NY & Co- the Dastardly Stennett Duo and Widow Ellis (of Bucks Green Volvo fame, who had a previous appointment –  to name but a few.

  anniegetyour.jpg 

Even Alfold’s Tory Nonogenarian Crone  Betty Ames, was dragged from her coffin, before they nailed down the lid, to support the Young Narcissus in his hour of need! But all to no avail, for Annie got her gun and pistol-whipped her supporters into out-gunning YN  and his posse to ensure he was defeated.

But what a pity, after such sterling efforts on the part of the Party Faithful, that former Cranleigh Parish Councillor Dominique McAll didn’t hold her nerve. You would have thought, having made the supreme sacrifice and given up TV-Gold in the form of Cruising with Jane McDonald, Ms McAll could have rewarded her colleagues  by hanging on in there to see what happened on the night. But, no, Ms McAll tendered her resignation almost before the starter’s whistle  blew. And, in doing so, she left the door  open for John Beckwith-Smith – YN’s henchman – to garner enough votes to step into her flip-flops?

 We shouldn’t really be surprised as  Ms McAll has form for  running away – when the going gets rough and the tough get going, she quits!

Regular readers may remember that Ms McAll was one of the most promising candidates to come out of Cranleigh in years and  along with many others over there in the East had high hopes for this articulate, diligent, intelligent woman.  Sadly, Ms McAll didn’t have the stamina for the ups-and-downs of parochial politics and at the first sign of competition resigned from the Parish Council when beaten to the  Waverley Borough Council seat by her colleague, Liz Townsend.

 Ms McAll embraced the GCA (Guildford Conservative Association)  and, so everyone  believed, she had too had set her sights on becoming a Surrey County Councillor – a stellar case of anything she can do (Liz Townsend, that is) I can do better!

But, lo and behold, once again, as soon as the going got rough, the not-so-tough Ms McAll,  (or was she badly bullied?)  ran for the Surrey Hills. Leaving the rest of us at the mercy of Y N’s Best Man, John Beckwith-Smith as the New Fundraising honcho.

A little light research reveals Mr Beckwith-Smith  as an ‘Enhancer of the built environment …’ ? Yeah, your guess is as good as ours! We, at Waverley Web, can’t make up our minds if he is, preeningly, referring to what he considers to be his own good looks or if it’s a smart-ass reference to being a common-all-garden developer! And boy, haven’t we got enough of them in Waverley!

 We’re slightly more impressed by his reference to being a ‘lighting expert,’ any man who is a qualified electrician would normally get our vote – it’s shows he’s of above average intelligence and we need more electricians here in Surrey. If you’ve just wandered down from Nappy Valley, put him on your speed-dial because it’s a bugger of a job trying to get hold of a good one in an emergency!

But that’s not all, apparently, he’s also an ‘interior architectural engineer’ …  Beat’s us, we’ve no idea, despite Googling the term! Answers to contact@waverleyweb.org

Oh! and  he’s also a ‘Coffee Professional’! OK, we get that, he’s worked in Costa – what student hasn’t?!

He also claims to be an ‘Excel Lover’; the ladies here in the Waverley Web office think he’s taking the p**s with that one and that it has nothing to do with the Microsoft Office application and everything to do with him boasting, slyly, of his bedroom antics. Enough said!

 He also claims to be a ‘Club armchair occupant’. Well, there’s not much to say to that, except to misquote the words of Groucho Marx: ‘Please accept our resignation, we don’t care to be a member of any club that will have John Beckwith-Smith as a member.’ Take note, Deputy Dominatrix!

Suffice to say, we, at Waverley Web, don’t yet know a lot about John Beckwith-Smith but that is going to change. Our researchers are on it as we type. So watch this space …

One thought on “COUP D’TWAT

  1. While we are on the subject of Surrey Conty Council can someone answer my question? Was it not just a few weeks ago that SCC were saying that the tax had to go up by 15% to help the cost of social care? I would like to know why the B2128 Guildford road at Rowly drive to Gaston Gate roundabout is being resurfaced, when it was one of the better roads around Cranleigh especially the bit they are doing? It beggars belief that some engineer with lots of qualifications and a higher earner can possibly think that it needed mending. It is utter chaos even the postman was not allowed to deliver the post, buses cannot run, the workmen can’t even be bothered to see residents get out safely, there is a road closed sign up at Notcutts garden centre that’s when your half way up the road, I don’t think anyone has the brains to put it at the roundabout warning people before hand where it is closed and I suppose our rubbish will not be collected and so on. So to get back to it does anyone know why? Your answers greatly appreciated. Ps beware of the ramp there is a sign but differcult to see it the dark, no lights to put there bit to much to expect.

    Like

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