Crash! Bang! WALLOP!
What was that we hear you ask?
That dear readers, was Young Narcissus (AKA Councillor Alan Young ) crashing, banging and flailing his way down the greasy political pole he has been so assiduously clambering up in recent years.
Just like a contestant in a game of Snakes & Ladders (the key word here is snake!) Young Narcissus slid all the way down the board on Friday evening to land on his arse! Brings to mind that lovely Tommy Steel number in Half A Sixpence:
‘old it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture
What a picture, what a photograph
Poor old soul, blimey, what a joke
Hat blown off in a cloud of smoke
Clap ‘ands, stamp yer feet
Bangin’ on the big bass drum
What a picture, what a picture
Stick it in your fam’ly album
However, this was no musical comedy. This was real life in the Surrey Suburbs – yes, we know that those of you who’ve emigrated from Nappy Valley (AKA Wandsworth Common) like to think you’ve moved to an idyllic rural utopia but, in reality, Surrey is just a suburb of Greater London.
The Young Narcissus (YN) and his cohorts’ conspiracy to take over the Guildford Conservative Association (GDA) came to nothing on Friday evening; when he crashed out of the running to be re-selected as a Surrey County Councillor in spectacular fashion. However, though that was cause to bring out the bunting, his wife, the Queen Vic (AKA Victoria Young,) was re-selected for the Eastern Villages seat, but went on to slide back down the greasy pole to land slap, bang, wallop on top of him when she was out-voted in the attempted Tory Tossers takeover of GHQ.
So let’s declare a national holiday to mark the occasion!!
We at Waverley Web consider ourselves a relatively modest bunch, but like to think we made our own small contribution to assisting in the downfall of the overly-ambitious and unscrupulous Young Family. We’ve been told, on the QT by our Guildford Tory Moles, that members of the GCA were sufficiently alarmed by our recent article – Is Miss Whiplash About to Face a Backlash? – to rally to the cause and instead of curling up with their cocoa and slippers in front of the TV on Friday night, over 100 of them rallied to the aid of the Deputy Dominatrix (AKA Matron Milton) to out-fox NY & Co- the Dastardly Stennett Duo and Widow Ellis (of Bucks Green Volvo fame, who had a previous appointment – to name but a few.
Even Alfold’s Tory Nonogenarian Crone Betty Ames, was dragged from her coffin, before they nailed down the lid, to support the Young Narcissus in his hour of need! But all to no avail, for Annie got her gun and pistol-whipped her supporters into out-gunning YN and his posse to ensure he was defeated.
But what a pity, after such sterling efforts on the part of the Party Faithful, that former Cranleigh Parish Councillor Dominique McAll didn’t hold her nerve. You would have thought, having made the supreme sacrifice and given up TV-Gold in the form of Cruising with Jane McDonald, Ms McAll could have rewarded her colleagues by hanging on in there to see what happened on the night. But, no, Ms McAll tendered her resignation almost before the starter’s whistle blew. And, in doing so, she left the door open for John Beckwith-Smith – YN’s henchman – to garner enough votes to step into her flip-flops?
We shouldn’t really be surprised as Ms McAll has form for running away – when the going gets rough and the tough get going, she quits!
Regular readers may remember that Ms McAll was one of the most promising candidates to come out of Cranleigh in years and along with many others over there in the East had high hopes for this articulate, diligent, intelligent woman. Sadly, Ms McAll didn’t have the stamina for the ups-and-downs of parochial politics and at the first sign of competition resigned from the Parish Council when beaten to the Waverley Borough Council seat by her colleague, Liz Townsend.
Ms McAll embraced the GCA (Guildford Conservative Association) and, so everyone believed, she had too had set her sights on becoming a Surrey County Councillor – a stellar case of anything she can do (Liz Townsend, that is) I can do better!
But, lo and behold, once again, as soon as the going got rough, the not-so-tough Ms McAll, (or was she badly bullied?) ran for the Surrey Hills. Leaving the rest of us at the mercy of Y N’s Best Man, John Beckwith-Smith as the New Fundraising honcho.
A little light research reveals Mr Beckwith-Smith as an ‘Enhancer of the built environment …’ ? Yeah, your guess is as good as ours! We, at Waverley Web, can’t make up our minds if he is, preeningly, referring to what he considers to be his own good looks or if it’s a smart-ass reference to being a common-all-garden developer! And boy, haven’t we got enough of them in Waverley!
We’re slightly more impressed by his reference to being a ‘lighting expert,’ any man who is a qualified electrician would normally get our vote – it’s shows he’s of above average intelligence and we need more electricians here in Surrey. If you’ve just wandered down from Nappy Valley, put him on your speed-dial because it’s a bugger of a job trying to get hold of a good one in an emergency!
But that’s not all, apparently, he’s also an ‘interior architectural engineer’ … Beat’s us, we’ve no idea, despite Googling the term! Answers to email@example.com
Oh! and he’s also a ‘Coffee Professional’! OK, we get that, he’s worked in Costa – what student hasn’t?!
He also claims to be an ‘Excel Lover’; the ladies here in the Waverley Web office think he’s taking the p**s with that one and that it has nothing to do with the Microsoft Office application and everything to do with him boasting, slyly, of his bedroom antics. Enough said!
He also claims to be a ‘Club armchair occupant’. Well, there’s not much to say to that, except to misquote the words of Groucho Marx: ‘Please accept our resignation, we don’t care to be a member of any club that will have John Beckwith-Smith as a member.’ Take note, Deputy Dominatrix!
Suffice to say, we, at Waverley Web, don’t yet know a lot about John Beckwith-Smith but that is going to change. Our researchers are on it as we type. So watch this space …