Waverley has been sanctioned by the Government for under delivering its housing supply.


 No surprises there then that our borough council has been sanctioned by the Government for under delivering its housing supply.  – although one might argue that, given the sausage factory panache, with which Waverley’s planners have been banging out planning consents one might be forgiven for wondering WHY?

Well, here’s part of the answer:  Here we go, here we go, here we go Ooooh!



Q Q: Why?

A: Because of all the developments already consented in Waverley approximately 400/500 of 1800 that could, and should, have been built on a brownfield site at Dunsfold Aerodrome – NONE HAVE BEEN BUILT … yet.

All thanks to the antics of that troublesome twosome – Protect our Waverley (POW) and The Campaign for the Protection of Rural England (CPRE) – aided and abetted by the meddling Mistress Milton, and Jeremy SHUNT – who, shall henceforth be known as – ‘Waverley’s Old Buffers’ (WOB’s.’)  Together they were, and are,  dedicated to stopping development at Dunsfold Park so they can support building over the countryside! Had these unreconstructed NIMBYs bowed to the inevitable and accepted that the biggest brownfield site in the borough was the obvious place for housing, rather than trying to stop it by hook or by crook, housing development at the Aerodrome would now be well under way, thus enabling Waverley to demonstrate that it IS delivering on the planning consents it had granted.


One-third of local authorities face a sanction under the government’s new housing delivery test this year and these include both WAVERLEY & GUILDFORD.

The delivery test was introduced in last July’s revised National Planning Policy Framework (NPPF). It applies sanctions to all local planning authorities that, in the three years up to the preceding April, failed to meet 95% of their housing requirement, with the severity of the sanction varying according to the extent of the under-performance.

Under the test’s criteria, all local authorities delivering under 95% of their housing requirement must now produce an action plan detailing the reasons why they are under-delivering and how they will address it. 

Those under 85% of their requirement, which includes, Waverley and Guildford, must add a 20% buffer to their five-year housing land supply requirement, instead of the usual 5% buffer, and produce an – ACTION PLAN.

Meanwhile, the worst performers – those under 25% in November 2018, rising to 45% in November 2019 and 65% in November 2020 – face the NPPF’s presumption in favour of sustainable development.


Does that mean THAT THE LAND ADJACENT TO AARONS HILL in Godalming, in the borough of Guildford  COMES BACK ONLINE?

Fortunately, none have fallen under 25% which means no local authority faces the presumption penalty – this year. Which means that 66% of councils – exactly two-thirds – have escaped any penalty at all – this year. In comparison, research by Planning last November found that 120 local authorities – 62% – would be above the 95% threshold and face no delivery test sanction at all.

Research suggests our borough is among the 38% of councils would have to produce an action plan, and is also the 31% required to have a 20% buffer in their housing land supply to boost delivery.

Has POW and CPRE (WOB’s) learnt anything from their mistakes?

Have they hell!

Having secured yet another Judicial Review into Waverley’s Local Plan, which wastes shed loads more of Waverley taxpayer’s dosh. In the interim THE WOB’s cloak themselves in yet another cost protection order (the infamous Aahrus Convention enabling NIMBYs like CPRE and POW to play fast and loose at the expense of ordinary taxpayers’ money without fear of incurring prohibitive costs.) While they increase delays in housing delivery.

The upshot is. That even if they do manage to secure a so-called victory by reducing Waverley’s housing numbers, those housing numbers will now automatically increase because of the delays in delivery. You really couldn’t make it up!




D-Day for Dunsfold! But don’t hold your breath!

Remember – You heard it here first!


It’s only taken a mere 16 years for the Flying Scot to learn today that his ambitious plans to turn  Dunsfold Aerodrome into an eco-village fit for the 21st century, complete with 1800 homes, a primary school, GP surgery and all the essential elements required to support day-to-day living has – at very long last – been consented.  And, by no less a personage than Sajid Javid the Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government.

Some would argue that amidst the growing hullabaloo about a lack of affordable housing.  The Tories’ alleged commitment to riding roughshod over the concerns of NIMBY residents and Councils’ in their determination to show they care – really, REALLY care! – about the housing crisis, there was no way they could afford to turn this application down but, by God, they’ve had a bloody good try!

Mistress Anne Milton, MP for Guildford, has made no bones about her opposition to the scheme from the get-go and – despite her colleague Dominic Raab’s call for ‘more affordable homes’ to ‘restore the dream of homeownership.’ She openly boasted how she’d whipped S of S  Javid into calling in the planning application in the hope he would overturn Waverley Council’s decision in December 2016 to grant consent.

 Rumour has it, deep in the burrow of the Burys, that Council Leader, Julia Potts, was so incensed at Mistress Milton’s unwarranted interference, that the two fell out BIG time!

A week to the day  Jeremy Hunt, MP for South West Surrey was outed by The Sun as a budding buy-to-let property-mogul – with more than a casual interest in keeping would-be homeowners tied into the rental market. Now – Javid, it would seem, has finally grown a pair and told his erstwhile colleagues they not only need to toe the party line but be seen to toe the party line in their own constituencies!

But a word of caution to the Flying Scot before he starts doing the Highland Fling:

Perhaps he should ask himself will his joy be short-lived? Remember …back in December 2016, when Your Waverley granted consent and, only weeks later, defeat was snatched from the jaws of victory, when, at Annie’s and SHunt’s behest, (S of S) Javid ruled he would have the final say on Dunsfold Park’s future?

Waverley Web has no doubt as we write, Protect our little Corner of Awfold, Duncefold, Ker-Chingfold and Where-Has–All-the-Traffic-Combe-From is dusting off its begging bowls and door-stepping its supporters, asking them to dig deep – just one more time! WHY? To fund the final leg of its marathon act of NIMBYISM, to launch a Judicial Review of both the Dunsfold Park decision and the Local Plan!

Surely not, we hear you say! Why not?

 Because they can! 

With cheer-leader-in-chief’s  Mistress Milton’s backing, and a bit of behind the bikesheds manoeuvring from Jeremy Shunt-All-the-Houses elsewhere, these suburban terrorists – yes, we did say suburban!  This is Surrey, an extension of Greater London, not deepest-darkest-Dorset – have, for in excess of 10 long years, waged a very successful campaign to deny the children and grandchildren of their less-well-off neighbours any opportunity of getting a foothold on the property ladder within spitting distance of Awfold, Duncefold, Ker-Chingfold, etc and anywhere in between.

After all, it’s only 18 years since BAE Systems vacated Dunsfold Aerodrome … so what’s the hurry to make a decision about its future? We need to consult, consult, and CONSULT… with the dormouse (AKA Sarah Sullivan), the Bat (AKA Councillor Betty Ames), the Bullfrogs (AKA Councillor Betty Ames and the Leader of PoW, Bob Lees) not to mention Uncle Tom Cobbley (AKA Squire Orange) …  get the picture?

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the world, China plans to build 66 new airports in the next five years. And we wonder why we lost an Empire and are a declining world power … Go figure!

Isn’t it time PoW and the ilk stopped the monotonous moaning, got over themselves and embraced Sajid Javid’s decision and, in the words of the Beetles: [Just] let it be …

Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

Interesting in this Press Release to concentrate on the often overlooked employment aspects!

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Our Annie wades in to put a bridge over Cranleigh’s troubled waters!

It’s no news to anyone in the borough of Waverley that the East of the borough is getting more than its fair share of development,  some of which is to be built on flood plains! In addition, Cranleigh and the surrounding villages regularly flood and burst water pipes are commonplace, whatever the weather!

So Cranleigh’s very own watchdog is wagging its tail on behalf the townsfolk and is calling in the A-Team – non-other than Mistress  Anne Milton, who we all know, is not adverse to putting her whip across the backs of those in high places. Perhaps, she can get some sense of Thames Water and the Environment Agency! Cranleigh people live in hope!


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Are the Liberal Democrats heading back to ‘Your Waverley?’

And there we were at The Waverley Web  thinking that it was the East’s very own whip cracking girl,  Meddling Matron Milton that called in a favour to have the Dunsfold Park planning application called in by the Secretary of State!  



And all the time she was being aided and abetted by  The West’s very own Grinning Golden Balls!

These two really must be congratulated – no wonder developers are filling their coffers with dosh!  We heard recently from one follower who personally delivered a big fat cheque to one of them on behalf of a wannabe developer! Now, they have jointly, given all those other little eager beavers, just the signal they needed to break through the dam and get going whilst the going’s good.

No doubt all those people over there in the East will think the will have an opportunity to thank Matron Annie in the usual way at the next election. But of course,  she won’t  be standing, as she’s on her way to become one of the 800  Lords-A-Leaping! As for the Hunt Ball – God only knows if he gives a damn what happens in his patch – no doubt he will just keep the inane grin on his face and head for the Big Job?

Yes, Mr Edge, the rot has really set in .  Permission given on the Green Belt in Bramley and Elstead. Two  slices of the  once sacrosanct Green Belt in Waverley gone in just one week, and one of which contained  a real sting in the tail – which will be the subject of another post!

Another planning application in for nearly 500 homes on the green, green, grass of Alfold by Thakeham Homes at Springbok (can’t even wait for its Appeal) just jump Annie’s Gun – and get in quick while the Dunsfold Brownfield scheme is slung into the ‘waiting room.’  Soon the applications will be arriving  in their droves.

Eight long years wasted by “Your Waverley” on its DAFT LOCAL PLAN and whilst the Council   Fiddles – the Borough Burns!

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Dunsfold Park decision – called in by the Secretary of State.

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It would seem that the Whip-Cracking Deputy Dominatrix, AKA Anne Milton MP, has more sway over Sajid Javid than we could have possibly imagined for it was announced today that Matron Milton has prevailed and persuaded the Secretary of State to call in Dunsfold Park’s planning application to build 1800 homes on the aerodrome.

Read the letter for yourself here: 170301 – Dunsfold – Rule 6 call in letter to LPA170301 – Dunsfold – Rule 6 call in letter to LPA

This will, without doubt, be a major blow to Your Waverley, which was depending on housing at the airfield to underpin its Daft Local Plan – which is now looking dafter by the minute, if that were possible!

On the one hand, we’re told the Government wants more housing and Waverley is being encouraged to build more houses and yet an application to build houses on the biggest brownfield site in the borough gets called in whilst, elsewhere, all over the Borough, green fields are being concreted over by developers who are contributing diddley-squat to the infrastructure needs of the Borough when compared with the millions (we believe the figure is around £50m) Dunsfold Park was going to pump in! You couldn’t make it up – not even if you tried!

Alongside Protect Our (Little Corner) of Waverley there will be plenty of developers who will be swilling back the Champagne today as they throw in their planning applications faster than Your Waverley’s printers can churn them out! And they’ll be laughing all the way to their earth-movers as Your Waverley is left high-and-dry whilst Dunsfold Park is in limbo-land courtesy of the Deputy Dominatrix and her all-too-willing-slave.

For, be in no doubt about it, in light of the loss of Dunsfold Park’s housing contribution, Your Waverley will have little option but to nod through another 265 homes at West Cranleigh Nurseries when the Joint Planning Committee meets next week – putting yet another nail in the coffin of Cranleigh New Town.

annemilton_newoutfitWell done, Anne, we have to hand it to you. You and your whip really are a cracking asset to Cranleigh! We and very many Cranleigh residents have no hesitation in laying the blame for the desecration of this once beautiful village on your front porch! We hope the donations made to your campaign coffers by Protect Our (Little Corner) of Waverley make it all worth your while.

And  the barristers at London’s Landmark Chambers, who not only regularly represent Your Waverley but also Dunsfold Park, will also be raising a glass or two or three to you tonight. Their coffers will be full to over-flowing by the time this sorry saga has played itself out.

For not only will Waverley be pouring hundreds of thousands of pounds down the borough’s overflowing drains but all that Council Tax Payer’s money could be swiftly followed by the £50 million Dunsfold Park were rumoured to be contributing to the local economy via infrastructure in the form of a new school, affordable homes, a new sewage works, leisure centre, sports centre … we could go on but you get the picture.

The irony of it is that this time Your Waverley and the Flying Scotsman will be in it together, singing from the same hymn sheet when this gets to Public Inquiry! You couldn’t make it up – you really, really couldn’t! Talk about the  unholy of unholy alliances!

So where does this decision leave Your Waverley’s Local Plan? WITH A GREAT BIG HOLE.

In short, it leaves everything to chance… WHY? Because, let’s face it, Your Waverley had no vision for Waverley – no vision for the East, the only people with any vision are the developers who are now circling overhead in their helicopters marking up their plans for yet more green fields they can concrete over to make up the 1800 shortfall that the Dunsfold Park Dilemma is going to place Your Waverley in!!!

 WW wonders if the site owners might just throw in the bricks and go for its second option – may we now see the resurgence of a very busy airfield? Thereby the very real and total destruction of the East of Waverley and in particular Cranleigh and the villages around – just 8 miles from the bottom of Gatwick’s runway! 

 AND .. Now the affordable housing threshold is reduced to 30% Godalming is 300 affordable houses short, so it, like most Neighbourhood Plans, it was relying on Dunsfold to have the space and money to make up the numbers..

Its a bit rich for Anne, and perhaps Jeremy, to call the plan in – we  assume in the name of democracy – as they don’t trust or support the judgement of their own Waverley Tories who approved  the decision at Planning.

Hope Our Annie has her darning needle at the ready to start stitching up that great big hole in the Daft Local Plan!

The latest joke doing the rounds:

Q  If it’s green and doesn’t move – what is it?

A. A potential development site in ‘Your Waverley’.




Crash! Bang! WALLOP!


What was that we hear you ask?

That dear readers, was Young Narcissus (AKA Councillor Alan Young ) crashing,  banging and flailing his way down the greasy political pole he has been so assiduously clambering up in recent years.

Just like a contestant in a game of Snakes & Ladders (the key word here is snake!) Young Narcissus slid all the way down the board on Friday evening to land on his arse!  Brings to mind that lovely Tommy Steel number in Half A Sixpence:

‘old it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture
What a picture, what a photograph
Poor old soul, blimey, what a joke
Hat blown off in a cloud of smoke
Clap ‘ands, stamp yer feet
Bangin’ on the big bass drum
What a picture, what a picture
Stick it in your fam’ly album

However, this was no musical comedy. This was  real life in the Surrey Suburbs – yes, we know that those of you who’ve emigrated from Nappy Valley (AKA Wandsworth Common) like to think you’ve moved to an idyllic rural utopia but, in reality, Surrey is just a suburb of Greater London.

The  Young Narcissus (YN) and his cohorts’ conspiracy to take over the Guildford Conservative Association (GDA) came to nothing on Friday evening; when he crashed out of the running to be re-selected as a Surrey County Councillor in spectacular fashion.  However, though that was  cause  to bring out the bunting, his wife, the Queen Vic (AKA Victoria Young,) was re-selected for the Eastern Villages seat, but went on to slide back down the greasy pole to land slap, bang, wallop on top of him when she was out-voted in the attempted Tory Tossers takeover of GHQ.

So let’s declare a national holiday to mark the occasion!!

We at Waverley Web consider ourselves a relatively modest bunch, but like to think we made our own small contribution to assisting in the downfall of the overly-ambitious and unscrupulous Young Family. We’ve been told, on the QT by our Guildford Tory Moles, that members of the GCA were sufficiently alarmed by our recent article – Is Miss Whiplash About to Face a Backlash? – to rally to the cause and instead of curling up with their cocoa and slippers in front of the TV on Friday night, over 100 of them rallied to the aid of the Deputy Dominatrix (AKA Matron Milton) to  out-fox NY & Co- the Dastardly Stennett Duo and Widow Ellis (of Bucks Green Volvo fame, who had a previous appointment –  to name but a few.


Even Alfold’s Tory Nonogenarian Crone  Betty Ames, was dragged from her coffin, before they nailed down the lid, to support the Young Narcissus in his hour of need! But all to no avail, for Annie got her gun and pistol-whipped her supporters into out-gunning YN  and his posse to ensure he was defeated.

But what a pity, after such sterling efforts on the part of the Party Faithful, that former Cranleigh Parish Councillor Dominique McAll didn’t hold her nerve. You would have thought, having made the supreme sacrifice and given up TV-Gold in the form of Cruising with Jane McDonald, Ms McAll could have rewarded her colleagues  by hanging on in there to see what happened on the night. But, no, Ms McAll tendered her resignation almost before the starter’s whistle  blew. And, in doing so, she left the door  open for John Beckwith-Smith – YN’s henchman – to garner enough votes to step into her flip-flops?

 We shouldn’t really be surprised as  Ms McAll has form for  running away – when the going gets rough and the tough get going, she quits!

Regular readers may remember that Ms McAll was one of the most promising candidates to come out of Cranleigh in years and  along with many others over there in the East had high hopes for this articulate, diligent, intelligent woman.  Sadly, Ms McAll didn’t have the stamina for the ups-and-downs of parochial politics and at the first sign of competition resigned from the Parish Council when beaten to the  Waverley Borough Council seat by her colleague, Liz Townsend.

 Ms McAll embraced the GCA (Guildford Conservative Association)  and, so everyone  believed, she had too had set her sights on becoming a Surrey County Councillor – a stellar case of anything she can do (Liz Townsend, that is) I can do better!

But, lo and behold, once again, as soon as the going got rough, the not-so-tough Ms McAll,  (or was she badly bullied?)  ran for the Surrey Hills. Leaving the rest of us at the mercy of Y N’s Best Man, John Beckwith-Smith as the New Fundraising honcho.

A little light research reveals Mr Beckwith-Smith  as an ‘Enhancer of the built environment …’ ? Yeah, your guess is as good as ours! We, at Waverley Web, can’t make up our minds if he is, preeningly, referring to what he considers to be his own good looks or if it’s a smart-ass reference to being a common-all-garden developer! And boy, haven’t we got enough of them in Waverley!

 We’re slightly more impressed by his reference to being a ‘lighting expert,’ any man who is a qualified electrician would normally get our vote – it’s shows he’s of above average intelligence and we need more electricians here in Surrey. If you’ve just wandered down from Nappy Valley, put him on your speed-dial because it’s a bugger of a job trying to get hold of a good one in an emergency!

But that’s not all, apparently, he’s also an ‘interior architectural engineer’ …  Beat’s us, we’ve no idea, despite Googling the term! Answers to contact@waverleyweb.org

Oh! and  he’s also a ‘Coffee Professional’! OK, we get that, he’s worked in Costa – what student hasn’t?!

He also claims to be an ‘Excel Lover’; the ladies here in the Waverley Web office think he’s taking the p**s with that one and that it has nothing to do with the Microsoft Office application and everything to do with him boasting, slyly, of his bedroom antics. Enough said!

 He also claims to be a ‘Club armchair occupant’. Well, there’s not much to say to that, except to misquote the words of Groucho Marx: ‘Please accept our resignation, we don’t care to be a member of any club that will have John Beckwith-Smith as a member.’ Take note, Deputy Dominatrix!

Suffice to say, we, at Waverley Web, don’t yet know a lot about John Beckwith-Smith but that is going to change. Our researchers are on it as we type. So watch this space …

Is Miss Whiplash about to feel a Backlash?

Q: What does a disgruntled County Councillor do when he can’t persuade his audience to re-select him?

A: Durhh! Launch a hostile takeover, of course!

So eager is Surrey County Councillor Alan Young to get to the top of the greasy pole that he’s clambering over the bodies of all those involved in the Guildford Conservative Association (GCA) to get there.


Forget the mantra, If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em! that’s for pussies! Councillor Young prefers a more robust approach. If he can’t beat ‘em he’s gonna call for reinforcements and out-vote ‘em!

Rumour has it the narcissistic-nincompoop is so enamoured of himself and his ambition that he’s busy forming his own local army.

Yep, that’s right! Soooooo miffed is the Young Narcissus at not being re-selected to stand for the Surrey County Council seat that his bum is super-glued to that he and a select band of his Ewhurst and Cranleigh acolytes are planning a coup d’etat which, if successful, will see them takeover the Guildford Conservative Association Executive lock stock and smoking barrels! And, boy – so we’re told – are there are a lot of smoking barrels where the Young Narcissus is concerned!

We’ve had it from the horse’s mouth – AKA Tory Moles here in Farnham – that when threatened with not being re-selected for the Eastern villages seat, Young Narcissus set his sights on us! Well – he can keep his hands off our town – we’ve enough problems with A Touch of Frost better known at Waverley as…Patsy who is standing!

Believing himself well-versed in Farnham Fu**-ups – having connived with The Local Gal (AKA Denise Le-Gal) to use Surrey County Council’s dosh-bag to fund the Brightwells East Street re-development scheme, which is so close to all our hearts (not!) – Young Narcissus thought he was a shoe-in …

Misjudged that one though, didn’t he? Unfortunately, for Young Narcissus, his reputation preceded him and with his wife – AKA The Queen Vic – already a County Councillor for Alfold, Dunsfold and beyond, but Farnham was determined to resist a Surrey-wide takeover by the Young Family.

Having chalked that failure up to experience, Young Narcissus tried – and failed – to snatch the Horsham parliamentary seat during the General Election. And that, of course, is at the root of all the intrigue surrounding Narcissus Young and his acolytes!

Keeping up? No? Need a recap? Of course you do, because the waters surrounding Young Narcissus are not as crystal clear as you would expect of a Councillor but deep and murky and decidedly mucky! ( Caravaggio’s depiction of Narcissus gazing at his own reflection in a pool here – source Wikipedia)

So now Young Narcissus – who has ably demonstrated that he has not an ounce of loyalty to the East of the Borough that he so longs to represent – is on the look out for any seat that might be up for grabs – anytime, anywhere, anyhow! He’s not fussy – trust us, he’s really not – about the detail! He just wants a seat – any seat will do – that will enable him to continue clambering up the greasy Tory-Party-Pole.

Therefore, if she’s wise, the Deputy Dominatrix (AKA Matron Milton) will be watching her back, whilst reaching for her gun! And, being a woman, she’ll have no trouble multi-tasking so we’d also recommend that she gets out her flogger whilst she’s at it and starts flicking the heels, not to mention the well-rounded buttocks, of her supporters to ensure they are out in force at the South West Surrey AGM on Friday night.

Why? we hear you mutter?

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So there then – who dares wins!

Because, rumour has it, Young Narcissus and his storm-troopers – some of whom have only recently joined the branch with t(his) sole purpose in mind – are planning to hijack the AGM and launch a hostile takeover bid!

No! we hear you howl!

YES! The usual suspects – who, like Young Narcissus, have little respect for local democracy – are up to their necks in the plot. Yes, we mean the infamous Stennett-Duo, who think it’s perfectly acceptable to resign from Cranleigh Parish Council and yet hold on to their seats on Waverley Borough Council. And then there’s the Widow Ellis of “Bucks Green Volvo fame” of which more anon …

So there you have it, folks, Rent-A-Crowd will be out in force to support Young Narcissus, all the while he continues to dig-deep into his pockets – and those of Surrey County Council – in his endeavours to attract as many ‘supporters’ – AKA schmucks! – to his army.

So what is it, we here you cry, that has so upset the GCA that they’ve withdrawn their support for Young Narcissus?

Where to begin? The rumours are rife and it’s hard to sort the wheat from the chaf but we’re willing to dip our toe in the gutter so that you can hear the mutters:

Rumour has it that Young Narcissus has been claiming that his de-selection is due to “an administrative error”! He really should be careful with that one; has he not heard what happened to Pinocchio?

And then there’s the deal he entered into to buy a property owned by the Cleaves family. Coincidentally, Richard Cleaves is Chairman of Ewhurst Parish Council and he sought advice from Waverley Planners about the prospect of building 22 houses on the land which is now owned by Young Narcissus & the Queen Vic – who have been incredibly busy felling trees and filling in ponds since  acquiring it!

Of course, we could recycle (yes, it is a pun but not, we’ll admit, a very good one!) about Young Narcissus’s involvement in the Great Cycle Track between Cranleigh and Ewhurst that has never been used – and which upset many of Ewhurst’s residents who have believed, for generations, that there is only one decent thing to ever came out of Cranleigh and that’s the road to Ewhurst! They have never wanted the closer links that the Young Narcissus who, whilst doing his Houdini act to get himself out of any fine mess, is so intent on fostering for his own political ends!

Watch this space – when we reveal all with the help of Guilford and Farnham TT’s – Cranleigh/Ewhurst TT’s have gone a bit quiet on us – wonder why?

Cranleigh’s very own Matron calls for an … Enema!

or … this post could be called Annie – THAT’S ANOTHER FINE MESS YOU’VE GOTTEN US INTO!

Anne Frances Milton, MP has been aptly named: AFM – AKA: Another- Fine-Mess! Because she’s up to her elbows in Developer-led-Do-Do!

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Ms Backlash.

The MP for Guildford has clearly let her current role as the Government’s Deputy Dominatrix go to her head. For, in her capacity as Deputy Chief Government Whip for the House of Commons, Mrs Milton has spent so much time tearing around the House of Commons letting rogue MPs feel the lick of her leather thong that she thinks she can use those same tactics to bring the Dunsfold Park Developer to heel.

Thwarted in her oft repeated ambition to prevent housing development on the borough’s largest Brownfield site, the Government’s Deputy Dominatrix has donned her leather Jackboots and is stomping all over Cranleigh telling anyone who’ll listen that she’ll make Dunsfold Park pay for the new sewage treatment plant the gonna-be-town requires.

Having expended all her energy fighting Dunsfold Park and none whatsoever in ensuring that other developers – Berkeley Homes, Cala Homes, Crest Nicholson … to name but a few – dig into their own deep pockets and contribute to the provision of a new sewage treatment plant for the village they are busy turning into a town – not to mention replacement of the asbestos water pipes – the Government’s Deputy Dominatrix now wants Dunsfold Park to stump up in order to cover-up her shortcomings in the poo department!

She has fought Dunsfold Park tooth and nail and, even now, insists the application might still be scuppered by the Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government, whom she’s been hounding to do her bidding. Rumour has it, after a trip to see Fifty Shades Darker, Mrs Milton has been seen stalking DCLG with a leather flogger and nipple clamps! If Sajid Javid isn’t quaking in his boots he should be!

But we digress! The DD has been telling anyone who will listen that she has ‘grave concerns’ over issues such as sewage and flooding …

HELLO! Is she on the planet Zonk ? – Cranleigh to Annie! …

Dunsfold Park is one of the few developers in the East of the Borough who’s not building on a flood plain and the only one, to our knowledge here at the WW, that is actually planning to circumvent Cranleigh’s sewage-saga by building its  own state of the art treatment plant.

Could the woman be more out of touch if she tried? Her own government has embraced a brownfield first policy – pledging one million more homes and to get planning permission in place on 90% of suitable brownfield sites for housing, thus ramping up their commitment to building on brownfield sites – and all the while she’s sticking two fingers up to brownfield development on her doorstep in neighbouring Dunsfold.

So what is it that’s driving the D D to such excesses? Is it, as has been hinted at, that she’s terrified donations to her constituency coffers will dry up if she doesn’t cow-tow to the supporters of PoW and their holier-than-thou-brown-cow?

If that’s the case, she needs to grow up! Take off the blinkers – or do we mean shades? All 50 of them! Her constituency is one of those remarkable pockets of the country where if they pinned a blue rosette on the arse of a monkey  the party faithful would vote for it!

The Waverley Web suspects is that there might actually be some substance to the rumours that she the has allowed personal animosity to colour her dealings with Dunsfold Park. More than one of our correspondents tells us the local MP says she can’t stand Dunsfold Park and  will do whatever it takes to stop the project in its tracks.

Instead of constantly trying to skewer Dunsfold Park, why doesn’t DD  chase the BB’s (Berkeley Homes)? Why not ask them cough the dosh  to build a new sewage works in Cranleigh to take the effluent from its  affluent 426-home  development on Knowle Lane?

Or, why not ask  Cala Homes?  They need to shift a shed-load of shit from the 125 homes they’re building on Amlets Lane.

Not forgetting  Crest Nicholson. It will soon be regurgitating a few tonnes of sewage from its shit pit holding tanks at the  149 homes development in Horsham Road into the main sewers.

And whilst we’re on this tack, what about picking up the phone to  Threadneedle Investments to ask them to dig into their very deep pockets and make a contribution to all the shit-shifting that will be required for the 120 homes they’ve just secured planning permission for on Hewitts Industrial Estate, and of course the 75 homes at Little Meadow’s?

But before she does, let’s pause a moment and do the maths for the Deputy Dominatrix, shall we?

426  homes + 125 homes + 149 homes + 120 homes + 75 = 895  new homes all in Cranleigh … and counting. There will be another 265 when the Knowle Park Initiative (when the Flying Dutchman – a strong “supporter” of the DD gets planning permission for 265 + homes in a few days time!

And then, of course, there’s all that development in the pipe-line over in Alfold where Thakeham Homes want to build 465 homes on the Springbok Estate and 120 have already been approved on Loxwood Road, not to mention the 45 homes that are proposed on land adjacent to Brockhurst Farm …

We could go on, DD but, surely, even you – bogged down in the latrines as you are – are beginning to get a glimpse of the bigger picture. Where’s all this developer do-do going? According to our sources in Alfold, Thakeham are planning to pipe theirs all the way to Cranleigh. So why don’t you give Rob Boughton, MD of Thakeham Homes, a tongue-lashing and see if you can harangue him into helping fund a new sewage treatment works in Cranleigh?

But, before you do, put us out of our misery and answer this one burning question: Why is it you’re happy for the developers of 1,429 plus homes over there in the East of the Borough to shunt their shit to Cranleigh sewage works, without contributing a penny for  a new Fart Factory, and yet Dunsfold Park – which plans to build it’s own state of the art sewage system so it doesn’t have to shovel shit onto Cranleigh – is also expected, by you, to subsidise all those other developers by paying to build Cranleigh’s new Fart Factory?

Isn’t it time Anne started talking to the affluent about their effluent rather than expecting Dunsfold Park to keep taking all the shit – and trust us there’s a hell of a lot of that flying around Waverley and, sooner or later, some of it’s going to land on you.

So there you have it folks, Anne Frances Milton your local MP really was aptly named AFM – cos that’s ANOTHER FINE MESS she’s got you into! She’s up to her elbows in do-do!