In our efforts to cover the Godalming By-Election, which takes place on Wednesday, we have waited patiently for a response to our request for information from the Conservative Party.
And we are not the only ones! Here’s a few comments from the Godalming Noticeboard.
The Conservatives are fielding one candidate for the Waverley Borough Council seat and one for the Town Council.
Maybe Councillor Stella Andersen Payne’s Stellar performance as a former Waverley Councillor for Farnham, has convinced voters in Godalming that she needs no introduction. So there is no need for her to respond to our requests? But, maybe Graham Bennewith will get in touch – there’s still time.
So far, the only comments we can find from Godalming folk on Ms Anderson Payne’s go along these lines…
– By not appearing on the Godalming Community Board Facebook she is either out of touch, or not interested, in her ward? – concerned that when she was Waverley Councillor for Dockenfield she almost caused a by-election due to non-attendance. – a Tory paper candidate that will do nothing for the town
But they may feel differently if she lets everyone know, other than on the doorstep, how she hopes to represent them?
According to some of our Farnham followers when Ms Andersen-Payne represented the Dockenfield Ward at ‘YW,’ she ‘rarely bothered to turn up,’ Still, we are sure she will do better this time – won’t she?
That dear readers, was Young Narcissus (AKA Councillor Alan Young ) crashing, banging and flailing his way down the greasy political pole he has been so assiduously clambering up in recent years.
Just like a contestant in a game of Snakes & Ladders (the key word here is snake!) Young Narcissus slid all the way down the board on Friday evening to land on his arse! Brings to mind that lovely Tommy Steel number in Half A Sixpence:
‘old it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture What a picture, what a photograph Poor old soul, blimey, what a joke Hat blown off in a cloud of smoke Clap ‘ands, stamp yer feet Bangin’ on the big bass drum What a picture, what a picture Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum Stick it in your fam’ly album
However, this was no musical comedy. This was real life in the Surrey Suburbs – yes, we know that those of you who’ve emigrated from Nappy Valley (AKA Wandsworth Common) like to think you’ve moved to an idyllic rural utopia but, in reality, Surrey is just a suburb of Greater London.
The Young Narcissus (YN) and his cohorts’ conspiracy to take over the Guildford Conservative Association (GDA) came to nothing on Friday evening; when he crashed out of the running to be re-selected as a Surrey County Councillor in spectacular fashion. However, though that was cause to bring out the bunting, his wife, the Queen Vic (AKA Victoria Young,) was re-selected for the Eastern Villages seat, but went on to slide back down the greasy pole to land slap, bang, wallop on top of him when she was out-voted in the attempted Tory Tossers takeover of GHQ.
So let’s declare a national holiday to mark the occasion!!
We at Waverley Web consider ourselves a relatively modest bunch, but like to think we made our own small contribution to assisting in the downfall of the overly-ambitious and unscrupulous Young Family. We’ve been told, on the QT by our Guildford Tory Moles, that members of the GCA were sufficiently alarmed by our recent article – Is Miss Whiplash About to Face a Backlash? – to rally to the cause and instead of curling up with their cocoa and slippers in front of the TV on Friday night, over 100 of them rallied to the aid of the Deputy Dominatrix (AKA Matron Milton) to out-fox NY & Co- the Dastardly Stennett Duo and Widow Ellis (of Bucks Green Volvo fame, who had a previous appointment – to name but a few.
Even Alfold’s Tory Nonogenarian Crone Betty Ames, was dragged from her coffin, before they nailed down the lid, to support the Young Narcissus in his hour of need! But all to no avail, for Annie got her gun and pistol-whipped her supporters into out-gunning YN and his posse to ensure he was defeated.
But what a pity, after such sterling efforts on the part of the Party Faithful, that former Cranleigh Parish Councillor Dominique McAll didn’t hold her nerve. You would have thought, having made the supreme sacrifice and given up TV-Gold in the form of Cruising with Jane McDonald, Ms McAll could have rewarded her colleagues by hanging on in there to see what happened on the night. But, no, Ms McAll tendered her resignation almost before the starter’s whistle blew. And, in doing so, she left the door open for John Beckwith-Smith – YN’s henchman – to garner enough votes to step into her flip-flops?
We shouldn’t really be surprised as Ms McAll has form for running away – when the going gets rough and the tough get going, she quits!
Regular readers may remember that Ms McAll was one of the most promising candidates to come out of Cranleigh in years and along with many others over there in the East had high hopes for this articulate, diligent, intelligent woman. Sadly, Ms McAll didn’t have the stamina for the ups-and-downs of parochial politics and at the first sign of competition resigned from the Parish Council when beaten to the Waverley Borough Council seat by her colleague, Liz Townsend.
Ms McAll embraced the GCA (Guildford Conservative Association) and, so everyone believed, she had too had set her sights on becoming a Surrey County Councillor – a stellar case of anything she can do (Liz Townsend, that is) I can do better!
But, lo and behold, once again, as soon as the going got rough, the not-so-tough Ms McAll, (or was she badly bullied?) ran for the Surrey Hills. Leaving the rest of us at the mercy of Y N’s Best Man, John Beckwith-Smith as the New Fundraising honcho.
A little light research reveals Mr Beckwith-Smith as an ‘Enhancer of the built environment …’ ? Yeah, your guess is as good as ours! We, at Waverley Web, can’t make up our minds if he is, preeningly, referring to what he considers to be his own good looks or if it’s a smart-ass reference to being a common-all-garden developer! And boy, haven’t we got enough of them in Waverley!
We’re slightly more impressed by his reference to being a ‘lighting expert,’ any man who is a qualified electrician would normally get our vote – it’s shows he’s of above average intelligence and we need more electricians here in Surrey. If you’ve just wandered down from Nappy Valley, put him on your speed-dial because it’s a bugger of a job trying to get hold of a good one in an emergency!
But that’s not all, apparently, he’s also an ‘interior architectural engineer’ … Beat’s us, we’ve no idea, despite Googling the term! Answers to firstname.lastname@example.org
Oh! and he’s also a ‘Coffee Professional’! OK, we get that, he’s worked in Costa – what student hasn’t?!
He also claims to be an ‘Excel Lover’; the ladies here in the Waverley Web office think he’s taking the p**s with that one and that it has nothing to do with the Microsoft Office application and everything to do with him boasting, slyly, of his bedroom antics. Enough said!
He also claims to be a ‘Club armchair occupant’. Well, there’s not much to say to that, except to misquote the words of Groucho Marx: ‘Please accept our resignation, we don’t care to be a member of any club that will have John Beckwith-Smith as a member.’Take note, Deputy Dominatrix!
Suffice to say, we, at Waverley Web, don’t yet know a lot about John Beckwith-Smith but that is going to change. Our researchers are on it as we type. So watch this space …
Q: What does a disgruntled County Councillor do when he can’t persuade his audience to re-select him?
A: Durhh! Launch a hostile takeover, of course!
So eager is Surrey County Councillor Alan Young to get to the top of the greasy pole that he’s clambering over the bodies of all those involved in the Guildford Conservative Association (GCA) to get there.
Forget the mantra, If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em! that’s for pussies! Councillor Young prefers a more robust approach. If he can’t beat ‘em he’s gonna call for reinforcements and out-vote ‘em!
Rumour has it the narcissistic-nincompoop is so enamoured of himself and his ambition that he’s busy forming his own local army.
Yep, that’s right! Soooooo miffed is the Young Narcissus at not being re-selected to stand for the Surrey County Council seat that his bum is super-glued to that he and a select band of his Ewhurst and Cranleigh acolytes are planning a coup d’etat which, if successful, will see them takeover the Guildford Conservative Association Executive lock stock and smoking barrels! And, boy – so we’re told – are there are a lot of smoking barrels where the Young Narcissus is concerned!
We’ve had it from the horse’s mouth – AKA Tory Moles here in Farnham – that when threatened with not being re-selected for the Eastern villages seat, Young Narcissus set his sights on us! Well – he can keep his hands off our town – we’ve enough problems with A Touch of Frost better known at Waverley as…Patsy who is standing!
Believing himself well-versed in Farnham Fu**-ups – having connived with The Local Gal (AKA Denise Le-Gal) to use Surrey County Council’s dosh-bag to fund the Brightwells East Street re-development scheme, which is so close to all our hearts (not!) – Young Narcissus thought he was a shoe-in …
Misjudged that one though, didn’t he? Unfortunately, for Young Narcissus, his reputation preceded him and with his wife – AKA The Queen Vic – already a County Councillor for Alfold, Dunsfold and beyond, but Farnham was determined to resist a Surrey-wide takeover by the Young Family.
Having chalked that failure up to experience, Young Narcissus tried – and failed – to snatch the Horsham parliamentary seat during the General Election. And that, of course, is at the root of all the intrigue surrounding Narcissus Young and his acolytes!
Keeping up? No? Need a recap? Of course you do, because the waters surrounding Young Narcissus are not as crystal clear as you would expect of a Councillor but deep and murky and decidedly mucky! ( Caravaggio’s depiction of Narcissus gazing at his own reflection in a pool here – source Wikipedia)
So now Young Narcissus – who has ably demonstrated that he has not an ounce of loyalty to the East of the Borough that he so longs to represent – is on the look out for any seat that might be up for grabs – anytime, anywhere, anyhow! He’s not fussy – trust us, he’s really not – about the detail! He just wants a seat – any seat will do – that will enable him to continue clambering up the greasy Tory-Party-Pole.
Therefore, if she’s wise, the Deputy Dominatrix (AKA Matron Milton) will be watching her back, whilst reaching for her gun! And, being a woman, she’ll have no trouble multi-tasking so we’d also recommend that she gets out her flogger whilst she’s at it and starts flicking the heels, not to mention the well-rounded buttocks, of her supporters to ensure they are out in force at the South West Surrey AGM on Friday night.
Why? we hear you mutter?
Because, rumour has it, Young Narcissus and his storm-troopers – some of whom have only recently joined the branch with t(his) sole purpose in mind – are planning to hijack the AGM and launch a hostile takeover bid!
No! we hear you howl!
YES! The usual suspects – who, like Young Narcissus, have little respect for local democracy – are up to their necks in the plot. Yes, we mean the infamous Stennett-Duo, who think it’s perfectly acceptable to resign from Cranleigh Parish Council and yet hold on to their seats on Waverley Borough Council. And then there’s the Widow Ellis of “Bucks Green Volvo fame” of which more anon …
So there you have it, folks, Rent-A-Crowd will be out in force to support Young Narcissus, all the while he continues to dig-deep into his pockets – and those of Surrey County Council – in his endeavours to attract as many ‘supporters’ – AKA schmucks! – to his army.
So what is it, we here you cry, that has so upset the GCA that they’ve withdrawn their support for Young Narcissus?
Where to begin? The rumours are rife and it’s hard to sort the wheat from the chaf but we’re willing to dip our toe in the gutter so that you can hear the mutters:
Rumour has it that Young Narcissus has been claiming that his de-selection is due to “an administrative error”! He really should be careful with that one; has he not heard what happened to Pinocchio?
And then there’s the deal he entered into to buy a property owned by the Cleaves family. Coincidentally, Richard Cleaves is Chairman of Ewhurst Parish Council and he sought advice from Waverley Planners about the prospect of building 22 houses on the land which is now owned by Young Narcissus & the Queen Vic – who have been incredibly busy felling trees and filling in ponds since acquiring it!
Of course, we could recycle (yes, it is a pun but not, we’ll admit, a very good one!) about Young Narcissus’s involvement in the Great Cycle Track between Cranleigh and Ewhurst that has never been used – and which upset many of Ewhurst’s residents who have believed, for generations, that there is only one decent thing to ever came out of Cranleigh and that’s the road to Ewhurst! They have never wanted the closer links that the Young Narcissus who, whilst doing his Houdini act to get himself out of any fine mess, is so intent on fostering for his own political ends!
Watch this space – when we reveal all with the help of Guilford and Farnham TT’s – Cranleigh/Ewhurst TT’s have gone a bit quiet on us – wonder why?