THE HEAT IS ON

The shadow’s high on the darker side
Behind the doors, it’s a wilder ride
You can make a break, you can win or lose
That’s a chance you take when the heat’s on you
When the heat is on

Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho
Caught up in the action I’ve been looking out for you
Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho
(Tell me can you feel it)
(Tell me can you feel it)
(Tell me can you feel it)

The heat is on (yeah) the heat is on, the heat is on
It’s on the street, the heat is on (I can feel the fire)
The heat is on (flames are burning higher)
The heat is on (baby can’t you feel it)
Yeah, it’s on the street
The heat is on (I can feel it in the fire)
The heat is on (flames are burning higher)

The heat was certainly on – cooking on gas, according to our followers  – at the last meeting of Alfold Parish Council, when concerned residents rocked up with the intention of getting to the bottom of the Parish Council’s new role as cash collectors for Waverley’s worried well-to-do?

Unfortunately, Clerk Crystal Tipps-Weddell – had been less than diligent in distributing the requested information, giving only a chosen few,  no time to plough through pages of donations. Fine, if you’re an accountant or someone familiar with analysing spreadsheets at a glance, but not so fine if you’re Joe Public whose only experience of columns of figures is pouring over your monthly bank statement from Lloyds – or, in the case of Waverley’s worried well-to-do, Messrs Coutts & Co! 

Concerned of Alfold hadn’t got to grips with the facts and figures but, no doubt, that was the whole point of the ruse orchestrated by Cash Collectors in-Chief Crystal Tipps and Nic Pigeon. Treat em mean and keep em keen –  telling residents if they want answers – “go back and read all the past minutes.”  Presumably, they want to stay shtumm about the affluent’s effluent?

What was absolutely staggering was the fact that between 20 April and 15 September 2017,  Alfold PC ********d  on POW’s behalf a staggering £246,073.45. In a mere five months! So they were averaging a cleanup rate of £49,214.69 per month! No wonder Crystal Tipps claimed £26.14 in parking fees and £40.04 in postage, she must have been running from bank to post office on a daily basis at the height of her money moving exploits!

Equally interestingly, Alfold PC banked 99 donations in total during that period, which made the average donation £2,485. However, as you might imagine, that was far from the case! Most of the donations were for considerably more, with the most popular sums donated by individuals being £500, £2,500 and £5,000. One or two high rollers (or do we mean developers?!) stumped up £20,050 and £10,000 respectively and there were several dups at circa £7,500 a poop – oops! We meant to say pop!

POW themselves contributed a measly £3,000! Talk about all mouth and no trousers – or, bearing Stacey Strumpette in mind, all fur coat and no knickers!

The ‘Dirty Dozen’ Parish Councils that stumped up for the Public Inquiry into Dunsfold Park, decreased to Ocean’s Seven (or, in this case, Little Britton’s Seven!) during this period, contributing £39,100 between them, as follows:

Alfold                  £10,000

Busbridge PC      £5,000
Chiddingfold PC £5,000
Dunsfold PC        £5,000
Hambledon PC   £6,000
Loxwood PC        £3,100
Shalford PC         £5,000
Wonersh PC       £10,000

The moral of this tale: If Capt’n Bob Lies and Little Britton persist in their delusion that a Planning Judge doesn’t understand planning law and decide to pop along to the Court of Appeal TO-DAY and plead poverty – again! – we strongly recommend that the Dunsfold Developer, the Secretary of State and Waverley Borough Council point the Judge to their quite remarkable money-raising powers. If this bunch of Bozos can raise on average £49,214.69 per month, there’s no reason on earth why they shouldn’t pick up the tab for the fights they pick, instead of leaving it to US, the Waverley Tax Payer to run along behind them poop-a-scooping their dirty little dump it all on the taxpayer habits!

Talking of Stacey Strumpette, rumour has it the Dunsfold resident may have attended the Parish Council meeting? 

Apparently,  Stacey was pouring over a copy of Alfold Parish Council’s Cash Book, trying to identify which initials were who – we’re told Crystal Tipps had, by a sleight of hand, failed to make a note of the names of donors, referring to them instead – much to Stacey’s chagrin – only by their initials, if at all! Our Stacey enquired, hopefully, into one particular donation of £12,100.00 that had caught her eye and looked terribly deflated when she was told this was just a lazy and inept (our words, not Crystal Tipps’ we hasten to add!) bulk donation posting, so could have been from any Tom, Dick or Harriette – not to mention one of any number of desperate developers keen to stop Dunsfold Park in its tracks.

For those of you who are wondering how Alfold Parish Council spent the dosh, wonder no more, just to give you a little flavour:

£85,592.49 on Barton Willmore Planning Consultants
£6,000.00 on ‘professional fees’ for Victoria Hutton of 39 Essex Chambers
£10,102.89 on Motion Consultants Transport Consultancy Services
£10,828.65 on David Huskisson Associates Landscape Expert Witnesses
£64,070.00 legal representation by 39 Essex Chambers

Rumour has it Dunsfold’s Stacey is now considering a change of profession – or, failing that, a change of stomping ground! Goodbye Dunsfold, Hello Inns of Court. Anything Victoria can do, Stacey reckons she can do too – with a little practice … or is it practise!!!

Oh, and in answer to the member of the public who attended and was told by Little Britton –“I am nothing whatsoever to do with POW!”

He was announced in his interview on BBC Surrey – as, yes, you guessed – the Deputy Chairman of POW.