Telling porkies to sell properties in Cranleigh New Town?

We know developers trying to flog off a glut of new homes in the Eastern villages are getting desperate but really! Not this desperate, surely?

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 Once upon a time, there was a big developer who was so desperate to sell his houses he told porky pies about their attributes.

One of our followers has forwarded us the screenshot below from Berkeley Homes’ current advertising propaganda for its latest development in Cranleigh on Knowle Lane.

09 minutes from Cranleigh to Guildford!!!

Are they having a laugh? Well, the residents of Cranleigh certainly are. As one guffawing local described it – when she could stop laughing – “Laugh? I nearly peed my pants when I read that! Everyone knows the new residents of Leighwood Fields will be lucky to get out of Knowle Lane in under 09 minutes, the traffic’s so bad! It’s a good 30 minutes to Guildford – and that’s on a good day, outside of peak hours, if the lights are all in your favour and there are no other unexpected hold-ups.”

Now we all know there’s an overabundance of development in Cranleigh and developers are throwing in their grannies as live-in nannies if it cinches a sale (known as the ‘Grab-a-Grannie-Giveaway) but 09 minutes to Guildford by car?!?!?! In what parallel universe are they living?

20 minutes from Gatwick and … wait for it, wait for it!

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Oops, silly us, we didn’t realise they were throwing in helicopters along with the Grab-a-Grannie-Giveaway!

Meanwhile, back in the real world, would-be buyers would be well advised to do the commute for themselves, rather than accept, as a given, the spiel from some ignorant copy-writer who sat at their desk in Soho making it up as they went along after a quick glance at Google Earth.

A bottle of Champagne to the person who can do the journey in a road-going car, in normal traffic conditions, without breaking the speed limit, in 09 minutes!

 

9 thoughts on “Telling porkies to sell properties in Cranleigh New Town?

  1. That is a JOKE! Hopefully the would-be buyers will have driven to view the properties and will see for themselves that it is Impossible to get to Guildford from Cranleigh in 9 mins.

    On a Really good run (on a Sunday Morning) I have done it from Alfold in 25mins and I have no doubt I broke the speed limit in parts! And a bad run………. 1.5hrs

    They should be Done on the Trade Description Act.

    Came back from London this afternoon and there was a lovely wedding in Bramley they had a Double Decker Red Bus (as presumably transport for the Guests) parked near the Church – the Traffic queues were almost back to the Shalford Roundabout – Thankfully I had plenty of time to sit in my car and admire the lovely houses on either side of the A281 – I wouldn’t want to do that if I had to catch a train from Guildford to get to work!

    As for driving down Elmbridge Road later on, on our return from Puppy Training – that alone can take 10 mins from the Guildford Road roundabout – – But then I guess everyone buying the nice big homes on the Knowle Lane – will simply use Wildwood Lane to avoid Cranleigh High street… Good luck with that!

  2. If it had been April Fools Day, then we, and the Cranleigh follower who sent this in, would have laughed. But really, who do these people think they are kidding.

    However, housebuilders are desperate to sell their homes at the present time, and will do almost anything to bring buyers in.

    One even told the local papers that Cranleigh had its own railway station!!

  3. Haha! That is stupid – We go to Gatwick regularly and I would give 45 – 60 Mins – STOP LYING – I hope they do read this because I live here and I am closer to LGW then Cranleigh!!

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