If you don’t feel like a crazy frog before you read after you’ve read it you surely will!
If you want to lose the will to live – try reading ‘Your Waverley’s’ New Daft Cultural Strategy.
The Waverley Web is quite sure if you do… you will want to slash your wrists, lie in a warm bath and let your life blood ebb away!
Oh! and if this drives you to drink – Surrey comes second in the country’s dearest places to buy a pint – £3.72p a pint (average.) First: London £4.08p. ye God’s we can’t even drown our sorrows!
Here’s Why?
This document that goes before the Community Overview and Scrutiny Committee’s 15 members, and then goes on to the Full Council’s 57 members, is, quite possibly not worth the cost of second class postage (£ 2.50p – approx ) and the reams of paper it is written on?
This giant envelope of tripe that’s winging its way into councillors’ post boxes, – never a post box invented that could accommodate it! will then be debated, passed and become “Waverley’s Cultural Strategy.
Beam us up Scottie? Onto the Planet Zonk!
In a nutshell everyone in Waverley has been divided into groups of: Metroculturals, Commuterland Culturebuffs, Dormitory Dependables and all the rest of the dopey Audience Spectrum categories printed below:-
The details taken from the committee papers are below.
GOD FORBID THAT YOU ARE ‘UNCLASSIFIED’ GO AND BURY YOURSELF NOW!
This is the description for just one category.
So there you are then Cranleigh people you are the most cultured Culturebuffs in the borough with 61%. Twice as many as we have here in Farnham.
However, don’t get too far up yourselves over there in the East, about to be heavily dumped upon, with 48% of Waverley’s housing!
Why?… Because. * As defined by “Your Waverley” in Cranleigh East you live in “an Area of Deprivation” but don’t chortle at poor old Cranleigh’s misfortunate Elstead – because you too are most definitely deprived!
And so is Witley and so is….. Merthyr Bloody Tydfil in South Wales!
We are really sorry folks, but you will have to go onto the Waverley website Community O & S for the explanation for this, because we just cannot take the stress! Around about page 206 OF 230 PAGES! You get a bonus mark if you try…ok? Oh! and a Pointless Trophy! Because….
this link will take you to the unadultred cra*!
If you happen to be in Cranleigh or Haslemere you are a Parish Clark, CLARK .. however if you live in Godalming you are most definitely a Parish Clerk – CLERK! Probably something to do with being deprived or perhaps more to do with being Dormitory Dependable?
Oh and by the way – don’t even try to add the columns up! Because the Kaleidoscope Creativity Crew has been at work and the figures don’t add up.
And The Chantry’s column 5, is not in Wrecclesham it’s in West Farnham – but now we really are being picky – because we have just lost the will to live!!!
Who on Gods earth has time to compile all this rubbish and worse still how much does it cost and who pays for it? Also to what purpose neat little boxes. I wish I had time to sit and contemplate my navel as well.
Don’t we all. The WW studied it, and lost the will to live. Only one plus. Who paid for the Consultants? – Developers, through their 106 contributions, that would probably have been better spent clearing out more ditches, to prevent flooding. Oh! and with officers paid for by guess who? – us dumb taxpayers!
Pingback: Has your Waverley had a “Culture Shock?” | Waverley Web