The Waverley Web prides itself on being at the forefront of breaking news in all things Waverley. Still, now Jeremy Hunt has been elevated to the dizzying heights of Chancellor of the Exchequer, he has a direct line to the Daily Telegraph’s Political Editor and a senior News Reporter, and he’s not shy about using them!

Having just ditched Farnham (SW Surrey) in a desperate bid to retain his seat following boundary changes outside his control, our Jeremy is keen to be seen to be leaving no stone – or do we mean pebble – unturned on behalf of his wannabe constituents on his new patch, especially with local elections looming on 4 May!

So, instead of reading it first on the Waverley Web, Bramley residents have found their village catapulted into the Tory stratosphere, making headlines – OK, maybe only a few column inches – in the Torygraph!

According to the Torygraph, iridescent scum has been spotted on the river in Bramley. – Here at the Waverley Web, we aren’t sure what river, as it’s news to us Bramley has a river … unless we’re talking about Bramley’s trickling polluted Waters that run past Cranleigh’s stinking sewage works. 

And, according to the landlord of the Jolly Farmer, he’s had to close the pub’s B&B because the smell of petrol fumes is driving away his customers. The local primary school has put up stink barriers to prevent pupils from inhaling the fumes whilst in the playground, which abuts the A281.

So maybe it’s not the river that’s the problem, but the road … in which case, instead of calling in the Environment Agency ( no less than The Chairman of the Environment Agency, to investigate? Perhaps the Chancellor of the Exchequer should be contacting the Highways Agency 

 Surrey County Council gave the go-ahead for thousands of  HGVs – one every four minutes for five years to travel to the former Steetley Chemical Plant outside Cranleigh to clean up the contaminated site.

Perhaps Now Mr Hunt is MR BIG, he can BY-PASS BRAMLEY. Now there’s a vote winner Mr Hunt, and you read it here on the Waverley Web first.

If it is the road, no doubt former Parish & Waverley Borough Councillor Maurice Byham – AKA Bypass Byham – will be dragged out of retirement to start banging the Bypass for Bramley drum again. The only problem with that bit of wheeze is it would cut a swathe through the Bramley Golf Club, and no MP worth his salt will risk coming between a golfer and his Golf Club – at least not if he wants to be re-elected in Bramley!

According to the Torygraph’s Political Editor, Tony Diver, the Conservatives are worried about all things polluting our streams and rivers, particularly Mr Hunt, as his constituency of South West Surrey is a marginal one. Mr Diver obviously hasn’t caught up with the Chancellor’s latest manoeuvre –  jumping from Farnham into the greener pastures of the Surrey Hills! This begs the question, will the Chancellor be moving his constituency office, currently adjacent to a Chippy in Churt, to a room with a view of the road in Bramley? We understand the former Boots Pharmacy on the High Street has been empty for quite a while …  And nothing’s more likely to get the odour issue resolved faster than the Chancellor having it wafting through his windows …