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…AND OTHER STORIES

Today’s instalment of, You Couldn’t Make It Up, comes with a caveat! Waverley Web  couldn’t make it to The Burys – a minor cock-up involving school holidays and a child minder letting her down at the last-minute. What can we say? You just can’t get the hired help these days … Well, that’s what Charles William Orange Esq would say …

So, we’ve had to resort to a spot of espionage and subterfuge to get the details of the latest doings in the Council chamber. Therefore, we cannot vouch for the veracity of every word  reported below but we’re happy to make any corrections deemed necessary by the participants if they dispute our post at:mailto:contact@waverleyweb.org

It’s now Waverley Borough Council’s turn to make its case and first up was a Ms Vera Lamont, Waverley’s transport expert. The Stinch could be seen licking his lips in anticipation, for Ms Lamont looked rather like Mrs Tittlemouse, as she was taken through her proof of evidence – as if she wouldn’t say boo to a goose …

But The Stinch was doomed to disappointment for, as lovers of Beatrix Potter all know, Ms Lamont (Mrs T) was made of stern stuff and no matter how The Stinch tempted, teased and tried to seduce her into agreeing with him, Mrs T was not to be persuaded. She held firm to her opinions – unlike Mr Belligerent, who was on hand to offer words of wisdom to The Stinch in order to assist him in tripping up Mrs T – but all to no avail, for Mrs T was not for turning!

She knew her stuff and she was up to snuff on Mr Belligerent’s permutations but she simply didn’t agree with him or them … in fact, she went further saying she was  happy to disagree with many of Mr Belligerent’s hypothesis and projections, which were more than a little far-fetched as far as she  was concerned.

By lunchtime Mr Belligerent was biting his nails as Ms T politely and, professionally, sliced and diced his evidence. Mr Lies (oops! Slip of the fingers, we meant Mr Lees) resolutely avoided eye contact with his overpaid poodle – more of which later. The Waverley Web is following up an interesting lead – or do we mean leak? – about just how much PoW & the Parishes forked out for Mr Belligerent’s services and with our usual bloodhound like diligence we’re pursuing it. Tune in later  for further installments.

In a  last-ditch attempt to trap Mrs T, The Stich majored on the last Dunsfold Park Inquiry, irrespective of the fact that government policy has changed in the interim. It would seem if he can’t win on current policy he’s not averse to looking back to what PoW & the Parishes hope will be the future!!

With  her wits about her Mrs T  gently reprimanded The Stinch for omitting relevant sections  of text that didn’t suit his argument! Mr B was reduced to scratching his head –  – no doubt wondering where it all went so wrong but, never mind, there’s a nice fat fee in his company’s bank THANKS TO PoW & the Parishes.

The Stinch tried a different tack claiming that  most  employment at Dunsfold Park  related to aviation and motoring. Now, our informant said they’re no expert on who does what at DP  but, judging by the expressions of disbelief, head shaking and eye rolling amongst the DP contingent, they deemed it  safe to wager that The Stinch had been sold a pup!

Mrs Tittlemouse, the well read amongst you will recall, swept her house clean of a beetle, exorcised a ladybird and a spider, with little ceremony, and when she found her neighbour – a giant toad – sitting in her rocking chair, before her fire, dripping drain and ditch water all over her clean floor, she followed him around with a mop and bucket, expertly cleaning up after him…

…not dissimilar to Ms Vera Lamont’s behaviour on the stand. You decide  who the insect   and the toad were?  Suffice to say, Ms Lamont dealt professionally, expeditiously and dismissively with both Mr Belligerant’s evidence and The Stinch’s attempts to handle both it, and her.

 Clearly frustrated The Stinch was reduced to bringing up the Judicial Review that  his clients had withdrawn. Claiming  it wasn’t necessary  to pursue it as the Secretary of State’s decision to call in the application gave them their day in court … But the Waverley Web knows better; sources within PoW have unwittingly revealed to one of the Waverley Web’s moles that they were told they didn’t stand a hope in hell of winning that one and, terrified of Waverley BC being awarded costs against them, withdrew from the action with as much dignity as they could muster!

The Stinch tried hard to get off his duck but John Adam of Deloitte, Waverley BC’s planning expert, was giving no quarter either. The Stinch tried hard … very, very, very, very hard but John Adam could not, would not be moved. Like Mrs T before him, he was a master of his evidence, and more than comfortable in his own arguments.

Our informant  deduced that The Stinch was changing direction, slowly but surely, trying to reposition himself and instead of getting the application refused on grounds of unsustainability  angled for a case of prematurity.

WHAT? Not that old chestnut! Surely not? Again? Yes, AGAIN!

With nowhere else to go if this Inspector takes the Local Plan Inspector’s lead following his examination of  the  less daft looking Local Plan,  there is no option other than to conclude that Dunsfold Park is the way forward. However, The Stinch now grasping at straws suggests  that if, this Inspector, is minded to agree with his colleague, perhaps he could / should dismiss the current Dunsfold planning application on grounds of prematurity,  make the developer  reapply in a year or two’s time once the draft Local Plan has been adopted. By which time there is no Local Plan – the Local Plan will be…..

 DEAD!

What? In the immortal words of John McEnroe, He cannot be serious?!

‘What harm could it do to wait for absolute direction from the Inspector into the draft Local Plan?’ enquired The Stinch, with a look of wide-eyed – or do we mean wild-eyed? – innocence.

Sitting up straight in his chair Mr Adam  looked  Stinch firmly in the eye and told him and the Inquiry exactly what damage his  proposition could do.  With significant affordability issues in Waverley that were getting worse, another year’s delay in achieving a planning consent at Dunsfold Park could be another two to three years’ delay in getting houses out of the ground!

 A puce faced Stinch  miffed  that none of the Council’s pesky witnesses would agree with a damn thing he said,  brought up the elephant in the room: Yes, you guessed it, that other Public Inquiry that’s going on just a hop, skip and a jump away in Cranleigh. Only in Waverley – you wait forever for a Public Inquiry and then two come along at once!!! No pressure there then.

SPRINGBOK, ALFOLD -ARFORD, or AWFORD, you choose, everyone else does!

The mutter in the gutter in Cranleigh is that the Thakeham Thugs and their QC – who’s in grave danger of busting his braces – is that the appeal  that should be dismissed on the grounds of prematurity. So dependent on a positive outcome from the Dunsfold Park Inquiry is Thakeham Homes that local residents wandering in off the street have thought they’d strayed into the Dunsfold Park Inquiry by mistake, because every other sentence includes the words Dunsfold Park because Thakeham needs Dunsfold’s  new village to make their scheme for 465 homes sustainable! 　

If ever an application and Inquiry was premature it is  Thakeham’s.  A green field site which, despite their protestations of being happy to build on green fields adjacent to their villages, Alfold Parish Council’s Dick De’Anus is busy flighting tooth and nail!

Has no one from PoW & the Parishes told that Dick  that they’ve changed tack and are now all in favour of developing green fields just like those at Springbok so he’s wasting his time and making them look bad fighting it?

He really needs to get with the programme! Can’t someone pop over and bring him up to speed?