WHAT’S HOT, WHAT’S NOT, WHAT’S TRENDING IN CRANLEIGH
Once upon a time in La, La Land – where nothing is quite what it seems – Politics with a Big P has been kicked out of Cranleigh Parish Council!
Hurrah! Hurrah! The Parish Council has had a Eureka moment you might think … or maybe not!
We’re told, the Tory councillors in Cranleigh have issued a press release advising the Cranleigh voting fodder that all former Tory councillors will now call themselves INDEPENDENTS and are no longer to be under the cosh of their Tory masters!
If you believe that you’ll believe anything! Including that Mary Poppins was a saucy sex slave to Mr Banks’ evil banker!
Hold the bunting! Now regular readers will know that we, at the Waverley Web, hate to pee on anyone’s fireworks but over here in Farnham the Town Council has been playing these pretend war games for years – whilst all the time covertly running one of the slickest, most politically motivated outfits in the borough, as fully paid-up members of the Provisional Wing of the Surrey Tory Tossers (PSWTT).
The mutter in the Cranleigh gutter is that the Chairman of the Cranleigh Branch of Guildford Conservatives is spitting horsy-nuts over disenchanted Tory candidates behaving so churlishly, and so ungratefully so soon after the selection process to stand for Waverley borough and Cranleigh parish council seats as CONSERVATIVES. In fact, it’s rumoured he’s so cross he almost fell off his Little Pony!
So what will change? Well, wannabe Cranleigh parish councillors will now have to print and distribute their own election leaflets and pay their own election expenses. Holy Moses! Can it really be true that the party of the Duck House Debacle is really eschewing the truffle trough of election expenses?! Surely not!
Word on Cranleigh’s HGV over-burdened streets predicts the Tories believe they might just be in trouble – big trouble – in the True Blue Tory Heartland and that there may be challenges afoot from numerous Independents of the real kind – the WYSIWYG (what-you-see-is-what-you-get), does what it says on the can variety as opposed to the ones who simply doff their Tory-Tosser hats at parish meetings and pop them back on again at borough meetings.
Maybe it’s time to remind these dyed in the wood die-hards what the word INDEPENDENT actually means?
‘FREE FROM OUTSIDE CONTROL; NOT SUBJECT TO ANOTHER’S AUTHORITY’
The so-called non-political Farnham Town Council recently parachuted in a well-known Tory councillor following the resignation of another female Tory councillor only months before the election. Other Tory Tosser councillors were dragged from their death beds to prevent the seat being snaffled up by a true Independent or any other party because keeping Farnham Tory controlled was deemed imperative.
The same happened in Godalming, only last year when Godalming’s then-Mayor and Waverley’s EXECUTIVE was convicted of child abuse and sent to jail. But – Shock! Horror! – Liberal Democrat Paul Follows snatched the seat from the Tory Tosser’s grasp after a hard-fought By-Election. Now there is a full-on Tory attack – to “Wash That Man Right Out of Our Hair.”
We would have so much more admiration for the newly declared Cranleigh Independents if they had carried their Independence Day declarations all the way to Waverley Towers. But, no doubt, they were fearful of being exposed to the cold hard light of day that greets opposition councillors. They would have their comfort blankets whipped away and would miss Good Riddance’s whiplashing their buttocks in their new Fifty Shades of Grey – or do we mean blue? – world!