Tis the season to be jolly? Isn’t it?

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Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa la la la la, la la la la 
‘Tis the season to be jolly
Fa la la la la, la la la la 
Don we now our gay apparel
Fa la la la la, la la la la 
Troll the ancient Yuletide carol
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Yes, folks, it’s the time of year for a little festivity and reflection over the Rhubarb Gin and here, at the Waverley Web, before we hang up our quills for the seasonal frivolities of the New Year we would like to take the time to remind you of some of the highlights of 2018. We will also remind you of some of the moments you may want to forget!

The New Year kicked off with Waverley residents moaning about the reduced hours of the borough’s recycling facilities and being told to get in their 4x4s and travel to Witley!   Many were not impressed – their Chelsea Tractors, with surround sound and plush leather seats, were designed to travel in style not loaded with detritus!  Some threatened to regularly recreate Bonfire Night at the bottom of their garden, others quietly went for an evening jaunt and … fly-tipped!  Result: Surrey County Council found itself footing a £800,000 clear-up bill!  Talk about shooting yourself in the foot …
Over here in Farnham, we end the year on a sour note – that has nothing to do with the Sour Cherry Gin one of our numbers has been distilling for our Christmas festivities – after learning that our own recycling centre- and another over there in Cranleigh – face the big heave-ho!  Apparently, that’s Surrey County Council’s idea of progress!  
Meanwhile, parish councils may make Bonfire Night a monthly event. They could suggest residents pile up their detritus on village greens and Farnham Park and get together to light the fire and exchange gossip over a hot toddy/glass of Pimms?  
See the blazing yule before us
Fa la la la la, la la la la 
Strike the harp and join the chorus
Fa la la la la, la la la la 
Follow me in merry measure
Fa la la la la, la la la la 
Elsewhere, the Berkeley Bunnies continued burrowing in Cranleigh.  Unfortunately – or fortunately, as far as they were concerned! – they claimed they couldn’t see the wood for the ancient trees, which they were felling at an alarming rate.  Typically, POW was nowhere to be seen!  And, with not a breath of opposition from Capt’n Bob, Little Britten and their motley crew, nor a word of criticism from Waverley Planners, job done the Berkeley Bunnies then set their sights on Farnham – and now they’ have demolished the Woolmead! With no affordable homes! We’re tempted to say, they breed like … but we’re advised by our legal eagles that could be misinterpreted as derogatory to rabbits! And…Batty Bamford has the police onto us!
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Paul Follows (don’t mention the word Liberal Democrat) Waverley’s new boy on the block started to flex his muscles and irritate everyone at Waverley Towers by asking questions and demanding answers. Some of which he is still waiting for! Who the hell does he think he is … Jeremy Hunt?! Will he get answers? Oh no he won’t!!
Godalming was re-named by locals, Godawfulming after too many scandals to mention – and the less said the better about the former Mayor who has joined the real chain gang rather than the Mayoral one! 
One we will mention, though, is the Hot Air Scandal.  No, silly billies!  Not the one where  JPC Chairman, Peter Isherwood, and his Deputy, Oh-Carole Cockburn, made derogatory remarks about the villages of Cranleigh and Ewhurst when they – now who’s the silly billies?! – forgot to turn off their microphones. No, we’re referring to the Air Quality Scandal when the police were called in to investigate some dodgy goings on in Damien – The Omen’s – department. Needless to say, an underling has been charged and The Omen has bu****** off to pastures new where he’s pocketing another gold-plated salary and pension.
So, there you have it, folks, Waverley Residents get the Dupes of the Year Award and Waverley Borough Council gets the Liar of The Year Award.
Yes, we know you were all betting on Capt’n Bob Lies receiving that one and, we must confess, it was a close run thing but, in the end, Waverley pipped Capt’n Bob to the post.
Talking of Capt’n Bob, it’s been a pretty miserable year for him: not only did a local tradesman name him and shame him for not paying his bills, after 16 years of blood, sweat and chaffing, the Dunsfold Developer finally swept all before him and got his planning consent in the teeth of Capt’n Bob’s lies.
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And in the aftermath of Charles William Orange Esq, of Hascombe Place, letting his facade, as a genial local squire, slip when his buttons were pushed at the Public Inquiry into Dunsfold Park and he reverted to his factory settings and revealed what a nasty little hypocrite he is, he was outed as a developer in his own right – in other people’s back gardens, not his own!  What shameless hypocrites some people are.  They hurl unpleasant abuse – about people who live on sink-estates – and tell any lie, all in pursuit of their own NIMBY ambitions.  In these days of social media, you can’t get away with it – what goes on in the Parish Council used to stay in the Parish Council … now it goes on the Waverley Web!  As Crystal Tipps (AKA Widow Twanky) and Nick Pidgeon found out to their cost!
Another  REWARD notice went out for Dr Andrew Povey – best known as Our Little Povey – after he de-bunked his predecessor Alan Young. By the way, has anyone heard of Kodak Pete since his de-selection? And has anyone over there in the East seen or heard of Our Little Povey – other than bidding for the county council head honcho’s job? Didn’t he say something about stopping the over-development of Cranleigh?  Well, we’ve only one question for Our Little Povey: WHEN?
There was lots of angst about building on flood plains over there in the East and lots of angst about kicking the bats out of the Belfry at Farnham’s Blightwells. Needless to say, homes are being built on stilts on the flood-plains and the bats have bu*****d off to Basingstoke in hot pursuit of the former Chief Planning Officer!  Talk about bats – and rats – abandoning a sinking ship!
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Poor old Potty has been driven dotty leading ‘Your Waverley’ through the mire into which her Local Plan looked set to sink. But, bolstered by her rave reviews on the Waverley Web (we blame those fishnets!) and the well-honed (not to mention expensive) skills of some notable Rumpoles, she has done a fine job of keeping the Waverley Train on the tracks – so far!  It just goes to show, give a girl the right stockings and she can conquer the world!  Poor Old Capt’n Bob and Little Britten never stood a chance once La Potts took over the helm of the Good Ship Waverley.
After a tough year at the coal face, Liz the Biz – AKA Betty Boot – announced she was hanging up her hobnails and retiring on a high!  Waverley has, after all, an adopted Local Plan under the guidance of Liz the Biz and La Potts.  Something a motley collection of their predecessors – Richard Shut-the-Gates, Robert Knowless and Matthew Evans – singularly failed to achieve.  Just goes to show, if you want something doing, put a woman in charge!!!
For the coming year, those of you with shares in Tiger Balm (which we’re reliably informed has been a regular bulk-buy from Amazon under Betty Boot’s leadership) may want to brace yourselves for a fall in the share price following Liz the Biz’s departure.  
Poor old Hodge the Bodge – leader of the County Council – couldn’t stand Our Little Povey breathing down his neck …, or did slicing squillions off the council’s spending plans all became too much for him? Either way, he resigned as Leader and as Councillor for Warlingham.
It would be very remiss of us not to mention Farnham Residents’ very own Mungo Jerry who, with cat-like-cunning, has refused to be quashed by Betty’s boot or slain by Potty’s whip over the lack of “a proper assessment of the Borough’s Special Protection Areas” (SPA’s).
We could, of course, go on and on and on and on and on … because there have been so many priceless goings-on in the Borough of Waverley again this year but as it’s the season of goodwill we’re going to be kind and draw a line there.
Our apologies to those who are miffed not to get a mention in this year’s highlights – the Lettuce King, Andy Cranleafy, A Touch of Frost, By-Pass Byham, Sleepy Goodridge, to name but a few … it’s not that you’re not worthy of a mention, it’s just that it’s a busy time of year.  But, don’t fret, we’ll still be here next year and we’ll be only too happy to give you prime time as and when you do something to deserve it!
We would like to wish our contributors and followers a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year. Thank you for all your comments and your e-mails, they’re what inspire us and enable us to keep this blog going.
We would also like to thank our local authorities, councillors and statutory agencies for giving us the material to give us a laugh, make us cry, and w promise to keep them on their toes and provide us all with many more memorable moments. 
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Roll on 2019.

 

2 thoughts on “Tis the season to be jolly? Isn’t it?

  1. Thank you WW for another year of merriment (except there’s nothing funny about the lies and corruption that you illuminate for us). All the greeting of the season to you all and here’s to 2019. PS how did you know about the rhubarb gin?

  2. Thanks for your good wishes – and we do our best, but will do​ better as the year roll on. As for the rhubarb gin – we make it here in our web which hangs over our allotment!

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