Listen to Monty Python.
Hush! Whisper who dares! The Residents of Bramley are saying their prayers … as Bargain Booze bounds into Bramley!
SHOCK! HORROR!
Yep, folks, you read it here first: The residents of Bramley who, not so long ago, were up-in-arms at the prospect of Tesco’s proposal to take over Robertson’s – and, in the process, lower the tone of Surrey’s self-appointed answer to Kensington & Chelsea – have been caught napping!
The Boden-wearing Bramley Babes were so busy fighting the Dunsfold Park developers it entirely slipped their notice that Nisa had cut and run, selling out to the owners of Bargain Booze!
The joke, it would seem, is on Bramley. For there is little doubt that Bargain Booze – with it’s hideous, fire-engine-red shop fronts, that manage to make even Tesco’s look classy! – would not have contemplated locating in Bramley had they had to contend with Tesco as their near neighbours.
Just goes to show: you reap what you sow!!! Oh how the mighty have fallen! For many years Bramley Parish Council and residents fought, tooth and nail, proposals for a Fish & Chip Shop in the village, claiming it would lower the tone, but eventually it came to pass and now, it would seem, the rot has really set in. Yes, they resisted Tesco but what have they got to show for it? A BARGAIN BASEMENT BOOZE BONANZA in the heart of BRAMLEY.
According to Bargain Booze’s CEO, their core customer tends to be families on relatively low incomes who enjoy watching X-Factor with their dinner and a bottle of Pinot Grigio or a few beers … So, not your average Bramley Babe who prefers to envisage herself cruising Waitrose for antipasti!
But, fear not, Waverley Web understands the move to Bramley may be part of the Bargain Booze’s attempts to broaden their customer base – from working class families, who used to flock to their shops to stock up on cut-price Carlsberg – to the Wandsworth Wanderers, fresh from Nappy Valley, who think a wild night out is getting tanked up at the Henley Regatta or straying from Ascot’s Royal Enclosure into the Parade Ring at closing, time when it’s awash with the inebriated flashing their fakebakes (no, we’re not talking pasta!), fake nails, fake hair extensions and Primarni!
It would seem the residents of Bramley need to take a long, hard look at the direction their village is taking. Alfold has recently gone upmarket, acquiring a Marks & Spencer Simply Food – which is rumoured to have pushed up house prices, along with queues at the petrol station! But poor old We-Want-a-Bypass-Bramley got a Bargain Booze … Go figure!!!
Coming soon -MACDONALD’s
What a wonderful article.
Thank you Cranleigh man – we do our best to amuse! However, on a more serious note – there are lots of articles in the national/local media referring to Fake News! There is nothing fake about the Waverley Web. We check out all our sources, and although we do not necessarily name everyone who contacts us (why would we when lots of them are WBC employees?) we always have their names and contact details.
We would put our little spider’s neck in our tangled web and hang, before we would ever divulge our sources! So, be brave everyone and tell all!
Ha, ha, nice article – both funny and well written. I expect to see a KFC in Bramley within the next few months.
Fingerlickin good!
Hope it doesn’t have a detrimental effect on the village pubs, established for many decades. 🍻🍻🍻
Sadly, we expect it will.
Seems like it wasn’t Bargain Booze after all!! Select Convenience is what it says on the shop front.
Ah! just you wait! Slowly, slowly and all will be revealed.