The Waverley Web is celebrating! We are delighted to announce it’s new owner – The Trinity Mirror Group.
The owners of The Aldershot News, Surrey Advertiser; Woking News & Mail; ; etc, etc, now all rolled into just one newspaper covering the whole of the of Surrey area… now wants to creep into our little WEB.
A Spokesman for The Group, Ms Ula Tarant, owner of all the local rags (except of course the Farnham and Haslemere Heralds,) claimed it wants to add a major local player to hang in its Trinity Stable. Of course, it’s a well-known fact that when the competition gets too much for publishing giants they normally just squash the competition!
But she said: We understand you can’t rid Surrey of spiders, only attempt to contain them. So rather than take a defensive stance against such a resilient part of nature we decided to marvel at them – and persuade them to join us in exposing local issues.
So, the Waverley Web has spun such a successful tangled web, that instead of crushing us under foot, or swatting us into oblivion – it wants to buy us lock, stock and web.
It has abandoned efforts to eliminate the WWeb with broad spectrum insecticides and the frenzied smashing techniques normally called upon by Arachnophobes. Rumours that we could be eliminated by osage orange, horse chestnuts and copper pennies proved equally unsuccessful so there was nothing else for it – to dig deep into their pockets and buy us!
It has already offered an undisclosed sum – believed to be “several millions, which according to our furry friend just isn’t enough!
So will it now be found hanging around in the dark and dimly lit corners of The Mill Building in Guildford – soon to be sold for development to provide the funds to Widen Waverley’s Web?
Now, as journalists bite the web dust on a daily basis the Advertiser wants to include a more humorous edge to its on-line reporting with our help.
‘Spider’s have feelings too ‘ – said a spokesman for the company. ” We know our GET Surrey readers are turned off by irritating adverts and we want to bring a little laughter into the lives of our readers. We will Get Surrey away from the everyday gloom if we can attract a new acquisition,and shine a little light relief into the darkest corners of our readers’ lives by buying the little blighters!
So next time you see a Web hanging from a dark and dingy corner, possibly on the inside of of a Lamborghini or a Ferrari Testosterone – it will be a much wealthier Waverley Web!